Quitting alcohol dating
But it sucked to discover that alcohol-free dating was still, well, When I said goodbye to alcohol and all its attendant drama, I never intended to bid farewell to dating, period.I saw my romantic future shimmering atop a cotton-candy cloud of contentment and stability.
I didn't have to drink every day, though most days I did. Sometimes it turned me into a yelling, crying beast.
” so I’ve been telling men before the date that I don’t drink and suggest coffee or food and they seem completely put out and often times cancel on me, because to them, I’m just a coffee date, I’m not a real date aka they won’t get laid on a coffee date. I’m leaning towards not saying anything and when they undoubtedly offer to meet for drinks I just show up and order a water and hope they don’t mind drinking alone. But before I respond to your questions, I need to assure you: You are not undateable. Eventually, though, I needed to push myself out there again, and as if the dating world weren’t cruel and torturous enough, I had become a tainted woman — a woman who doesn’t drink. Maybe they’re just heavy drinkers like I used to be, who struggle with shyness and insecurity and have passionate feelings about artisanal brews and can’t even conceive of being close to a person without a drink in their hands. I liked the drama of having men around, even questionable ones, because it made me feel desirable and exciting. Many people are comfortable not drinking — they can take it or leave it.
Le sigh, anyways I’m sure you’re fielding actual pitches and not quarter life crises from weird sober single women, but anyways your article really spoke to me during a time I was panicking I would never meet a man ever again. ”I actually love hearing from weird sober single women. Weird sober single women have to stick together, because we have something that bonds us in a world where so many people are the same. Here’s what the dating world looks like for you: NOOOOO DRIIINNNNKING. Or rather, the only way you could be undateable is if you made yourself that way. I put up the force field and holed up on my couch with my documentaries and my creamy pasta. I’m sorry, but that person is not a good romantic partner for you right now. I’m not talking about my boyfriends — good-hearted, funny, challenging men — but the ones who came in between. When I quit drinking, I had to give up the idea of hanging out with those guys for three or four weeks, maybe-sorta seeing if my feelings changed, if something magical happened to make me like them more, or vice versa. You can no longer drink your way out of a bad date, which is how half the other folks on OK Cupid will spend their Friday nights. I am lucky on this dating beat, because men I go out with have often been knocked around by life in a way that has beaten out the weaselly, asshole part of them. Not dating those guys freed me up to find someone who might be interested in a short, blonde, non-exotic girl named Sarah. Maybe it doesn’t seem that way right now, because you are young, and surrounded by people who consider binge-drinking three nights a week to be some kind of constitutional right, but as time passes, and you grow more comfortable with yourself (an inevitable and beautiful outgrowth of sobriety), you will find these other magical people, who don’t require liquor to explore the world. And the truth is, I fall in love sober all the time: With new friends, with new songs, with the blue sky, with Louis CK sketches and Joan Didion lines, and every once in a great long while, with a human person. But the truth is, dating was hard when I was drinking, and it was hard after I quit. What you are, however, is a person who is no longer like the rest of the herd. This can be terrifying, traumatizing — and it can free you up for a life that is better than you ever dreamed.
I'd had enough embarrassing nights out; I'd woken up beside more than my fair share of unattractive strangers, and was, in turn, more than ready to bid farewell to the drunken rants, crying jags and battles with lovers, friends, cab drivers, cashiers and waiters.
I also thrilled at the notion of never having another hangover.
Stay healthy with advice and tips on dating without alcohol.